Bad habits that can ruin your marriage

by Karen Chamchuk

There are many bad habits that can contribute to the deterioration of a marriage. These habits include, but are not restricted to, talking negatively about your spouse with your family of origin, infidelity, gambling addictions, substance abuse addictions, and reckless spending patterns.

Trash Talk

The first bad habit is talking negatively about your spouse to your family of origin. If you say enough negative things about your spouse to your parents and siblings, eventually they are going to start believing what you are saying.

If you paint a bad enough picture of your spouse, your family of origin may actually try to sabotage the success of your marriage. Furthermore, your own parents and siblings are not objective listeners. They are naturally protective of you and will always take your side in your spousal disagreements - even if you are in the wrong. If you really need to vent your negative emotions to someone, then choose a trusted friend or a professional - not your parents or siblings. People outside of your family can be more objective and will be able to tell you when you are overreacting to something your spouse did or said.

Infidelity

When spouses cheat it can be for one of two reasons. Number one, the person simply hasn't grown up yet and isn't mature enough to handle monogamy. Take note that this is not an excuse, it is simply an explanation. Or, number two, there are serious problems within the marriage and cheating is a response to these problems. Examples of serious marital problems may be an inability to show affection or frequently belittling a partner in public. Sometimes the cheating partner is so starved for attention and approval that they start to look for these things outside the marriage. Can cheating be described as a habit? Absolutely. Once the cheating partner realizes that he or she can get away with it, they often will be seduced into this behaviour again and again.  Infedelity within a marriage is one of the quickest routes you can take to the divorce courts. When the partner who is being cheated on learns of the infidelity, the result is often complete and total devastation of the marriage.

Gambling

Gambling is another addictive behaviour that can have a dramatically negative impact on a marriage relationship. Maybe your partner occasionally bought a lottery ticket while you were dating. Five years into your marriage, your spouse is spending up to $1000.00 a month on their gambling addiction.

If you are trying to save up for a down payment on a house or you are attempting to pay off a car loan, a persistent gambling habit can make you feel like you are running in place and getting absolutely nowhere. Your partner's obsession with choosing their lucky lotto numbers, making their daily sports picks, playing the slot machines or visiting the casinos may make you feel like you take second place to the addiction.  The non-gambling spouse will often feel responsible and will search for something they have done to make their partner turn to gambling.  Make no mistake: gambling is a serious addiction and requires serious first aid.  Getting help from a twelve step program or other support group is essential to the long-term health of a marriage relationship.

Substance Abuse 

If your partner regularly stops for a few drinks on the way home from work or uses cocaine just to get through the day, then substance abuse is an issue in your marriage. When it comes to discussing day-to-day things such as your child's report card or the plumbing that needs fixing, your spouse is almost always not available. The top priority of the addicted spouse is not day-to-day concerns; their main concern is getting the next high or finding the next opportunity to drown their problems in alcohol. In fact, with substance abusers there is never a good time to discuss average, everyday issues. Consequently, it is nearly impossible to have a functional relationship with an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Reckless Spending

With the ready availability of credit cards and loans, out-of-control spending behaviours are a real problem in many marriages today. Some of us were raised in near-poverty situations where spending money on frivolous items simply did not happen. If this was your background, and you now have enough money to make impulse purchases from time to time, you may find it difficult to stop with just one impulse purchase. Perhaps you felt deprived your whole childhood and you vowed that if you ever had children, you would never deprive them of anything. Now that you are married with a family of your own, you are running up credit card bills like there's no tomorrow. This kind of behaviour can quickly become a source of conflict for a married couple.

In conclusion, it is obvious that bad habits can have a huge impact on the marriage relationship. Addictive habits eventually destroy the trust that is essential for a healthy marriage. If you find yourself engaging in one or more of these behaviours, seek help as soon as you possibly can. Think of reaching out and getting help to be essential first aid for your marriage.  Getting past denial and admitting that you need help is the first, and perhaps most important step towards getting your life, and your marriage, back on track.

Source : http://www.helium.com/items/1184846-behaviours-and-habits-that-can-destroy-a-marriage